


Breathless

by brb_screaming



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: BANGS FIST ON TABLE, F/F, Galaxy Gals, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, I NEED MY LESBIANS, If I get around to it, Not a lot tho, Panic Attacks, and alanas anxiety gets hella overwritten, and holy h e c c it escalated, anyway I Love My Girls, bc YeeHaw theye both awkward fucks that accidently start shit, bc they Do Not get enough love in canon, galaxy girls, in this au connor failed his suicide attempt but still has Issues, just a few, maybe treebros or kleinsen, or in fic really, theyre always just a side couple, theyre gay for each other they jst dont know it yet shhhh, this is totally alana and zoe centric, this was a prompt some1 sent me on tumblr, thisll have a few chapters, zolana
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 12:19:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11668989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brb_screaming/pseuds/brb_screaming
Summary: A party that never should have been attended. A panic that should have never started. A rumor that never should have spread. A romance, completely fabricated, to save face. What had Alana Beck gotten herself into this time?





	Breathless

Alana had realized, too late, that it had been a mistake even showing up. She could’ve said she had homework, or faked an illness, or simply that she was tired, but no, she just had to make the split second decision that it would be in the student council’s best interest if she, the vice president, showed up to the jazz band benefit concert after-party.

Student council had run the event, and Alana had been in her element, helping it run smoothly, giving the speech that the president was supposed to have given when he was late. It had been executed flawlessly, and maybe it was the giddy adrenaline that had overflowed from her mind that had somehow convinced her logic to let her go to this party.

Apparently, her mind had forgotten that she didn’t even like parties in the first place, and had allowed itself to be dragged out to the pianist’s- she had yet to get his name- house, handed a red cup of something, and pushed out into the crowd. The rush of adrenaline from the earlier success had worn off, and Alana was beginning to feel quite a bit exhausted.

She had ditched the cup in the first minute. She needed to keep her head on her shoulders if she wanted to get home in one piece. Thinking back, she almost wished that she had kept the cup. The sheer amount of people was overwhelming her, and she wished she was home, curled up by one of her cats, and fallen asleep, a mug of decaffeinated green tea still warm in her hands. It wasn’t even that late, she was just overreacting, and needing to calm down. It was Friday, so even if she didn’t get back until real late, she would still be able to sleep. Although, she was signed up to volunteer at the animal shelter tomorrow. Ah, shit. Even if the time wasn’t until the late afternoon, Alana’s mind still begun to spin with possible scenarios.

She hated being in crowds. Maybe it was her short stature making it difficult to be around people, especially large amounts of people, smelling of various types of alcohol and often standing uncomfortably close to each other. She felt her breathing stiffen. She wasn’t used to this, all the heat and bodies, so tightly packed. The closeness was overwhelming. Sure, she ran into stuff like this between classes and such, but the suffocating closeness, the overwhelming amount of human contact was almost too much for Alana.

Her head began to spin. She tried to find someone to sit down, somewhere to be able to calm down, take a breath. Was she just now noticing how dirty her glasses had become? She squinted through the smudge on her lenses, locating a tired green sofa. She pushed through the crowd, trying to catch her breath, and sat shakily down on the couch.

She was shaking. It was subtle, sure, but she still felt it, the spasms in her fingers, the twitches in her legs. This, she snapped at herself, was why she didn’t attend parties. She carefully slid her glasses off her face, blinking a few times to adjust, and lifted the hem of her dress, trying to wipe off her lense. Normally, she had a microfiber cloth on her, but she hadn’t brought it, she had thought she wouldn’t need it and it would just be extra stuff to carry around.

Her fingers were shaking more prominently as she pressed into the glass, trying to scrub it clean. She hated this, hated the people, how hard it was to breathe, how loud it was, how bright the lights were. She lifted her glasses back up, inspecting them, and prepared to place them back on her face when she noticed an untouched smear, and brought them back to her dress.

A couple crashed onto the couch beside her, furiously making out with each other. Alana jumped at the sudden movement, dropping her glasses. She scrambled on the floor for them, searching desperately for her wire frames. She could barely make out the people in the room, each blur shifting much too fast for her to process. She spotted them, slightly to her left, and watched helplessly and someone drunkenly stumbled back, a blurry foot landing squarely in the center of her glasses. She swore she heard them snap, but even so, she must have imagined it. She flew up, her hand outreached, flailing towards the lenses. She snatched them, carefully trying to inspect the damage done.

She couldn’t tell exactly what happened, but her gut was twisting and she looked down at her hands. What would she say to her parents, how would she see tomorrow, hell, how would she see for the rest of the year? Her legs stumbled the life beneath her and she ran, blindly trying to find someplace, anyplace, away from all the people and noise. Her legs flew out beneath her and she sprawled on the floor, her palms stinging as they broke her fall. Her face flushed as her glasses dug into the palm of her hand. She didn’t know who had seen her fall, and she didn’t care exact logistics, she just wanted to leave. Tears sprung up in the corners of her eyes, and she stood again, looking around. Her hair whipped at the back of her neck. She felt so looked at, so overwhelmed and overstimulated.

A door stood to her right, and she flung it open, mercilessly flinging herself inside. She looked around. It was gratefully empty, and, from what she could tell, was a bedroom of sorts. She didn’t know if she could trust her depth perception and instead stuck to the floor, putting her back against the wall and bringing her knees to her chest. She finally let the tears blurring her vision fall, the salty tears tracing warm tracks down the sides of her cheeks.  
Why couldn’t she just do this correctly? It was in every high schooler’s basic brain chemistry- the want to rebel, the want to go to a party, get drunk, live in a facade of independence. Why was this too much? Why did she have to keep messing up, keep failing? Even if she was apparently an academic success, she was a social failure. She wasn’t worthy of all the attention she got, even if it was just from her intellect. That’s all she was good for, anyway.  
Her parents were going to kill her over her glasses. She had never broken a pair before, she had always been too careful. Now, she didn’t know how she was supposed to replace them on such short noticed, she couldn’t even remember if she had a spare stashed someone in her bedroom. God, why had this gone from spectacular to spectacularly awful?

She leaned her forehead into her knees, trying to force herself to take deep breaths, but continuing to feel restricted, unable to move her lungs properly. She was gonna stay here forever, trapped in her own mind for eternity, she was sure. 

The was a knock at the door. Alana froze, unable to answer. The was another succession of quick raps at the wood before the door was shoved open. Alana looked over, trying to figure out who had just entered. A halo of brown hair surrounded a girl in a pale pink sweater, her cuffed jeans sat right above a pair of worn converse. 

“Alana?” the girl asked, surprised. Alana instantaneously recognized the voice, and her gut sank even more. Why, of all people to see her like like, it had to be Zoe Murphy, the breathtaking guitarist and the occupant of at least a portion of Alana’s mind at all times. “Are you- are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Alana responded quickly, averting her eyes. She was just lying to herself. This wasn’t real, she was just fine. She wasn’t here. Her breathing was erratic, large gulps contrasting with short swallows of air. Her head was floating above her body, unable to grasp the itchy carpet beneath her.

“No, you’re not.” Zoe bit back defiantly. Alana cringed at the edge in her voice, and Zoe noted this subtle shift in body language. She crouched beside Alana. Why couldn’t she just go back to having a good time, go back to the people, and leave Alana to work out her own damn problems.

“I-” Alana was cut off by Zoe’s gentle hand guiding her face upwards, locking eyes with her. Alana looked into Zoe’s hazel eyes for a split second before her gaze began to flit back and forth anxiously. Zoe took another moment to look Alana over, and her eyes widen in sudden realization.

“Alana, breathe with me, okay? It’s like,” she paused, searching for something to say, “it’s like music. In, two three four, hold, two three four, out, two three four.” She continued with this pattern, and Alana desperately tried to match her air with Zoe’s soft voice. Her breathing evened gradually, the tears on her face slowing. Zoe had gradually dropped the hand from her cheek and instead laid it gently on the other’s shoulder. Zoe’s voice was unbelievably soothing, and Alana’s choppy breath slowed, carefully, warily matching the other girl’s.

“Th-thank you.” Alana stumbled through her words, a sudden wave of exhaustion hitting her. Zoe gave her a small half smile and nodded.  
“It’s no problem.” She pulled away from Alana, sitting cross legged on the floor. Alana immediately missed the grounding weight on her shoulder, and wished Zoe would put her hand back. “I saw you run out, and I thought something was wrong. What happened?”

Alana held out her hand, extending her broken frames. Zoe’s mouth fell open, “How?”

“I-I was cleaning them, and they dropped. Someone stepped on them, and I ran. I’m not super good at dealing with crowded spaces, and everything just… I don’t know, overwhelmed me.” Alana looked away, setting her glasses on the ground. “I sound stupid, sorry.”

“No, no, you don’t.” Zoe softly chided her, putting her hands on Alana’s shoulders, “My brother, he uh, gets like this sometimes. Except he gets angry instead when sometime tries to help.” Alana didn’t know that Connor Murphy, her chemistry lab partner, got panic attacks. There was a tense silence before Alana cautiously uncurled, sitting cross legged like Zoe was, taking another deep breath.

“I can’t believe I talked myself into coming here.” Alana admitted, “I haven’t been to an actual party since the fiasco that was freshman year.” Zoe hummed in agreement. she still hadn’t taken her hands off of Alana’s shoulders, and Alana could feel herself blushing at the prolonged contact.

It would be a lie to say that Alana had never had feelings for Zoe Murphy. She had known she was gay since eighth grade, but the second that Zoe Murphy walked into freshman orientation (Alana was there volunteering), she had known that her heart was doomed. Zoe walked with a certain air of calmness, a stillness in the rocky waves of their small high school. They were both in student council, although Zoe was only a representative, and Alana had been, at the time, secretary, although she was currently running for vice president. Zoe was gorgeous, calm, poised, soft, with some spunk. All that Alana was not.

“Jazz band does these a lot, but they’re normally a lot more chill. This is the biggest I’ve ever seen the crowd.” Zoe spoke softly, and Alana let herself melt in Zoe’s voice.

“Oh, yeah,” Alana acknowledged, unsure of where she was going, “You were, uh, wonderful tonight.”

“Really?” Zoe questioned, her face splitting into a wide grin. Alana’s heart melted a little at her words, her excitement.

“You stole the entire show.” Alana’s compliment was genuine, even if she wanted to say something more along the lines of, you stole my entire heart, but she refrained, instead watching Zoe Murphy light up at her compliment.

“Oh my god, thank you! I think it was one of our best shows so far.” Zoe sounded so ecstatic. Alana smiled brightly, nodding along. She felt better already, even if her heartbeat was still running a little on the fast side. Alana had managed to keep the conversation afloat, but inside, she was in turmoil. How could she ever face Zoe Murphy again? She’s seen Alana like this, so vulnerable and helpless, and so, Alana didn’t know if she could ever look Zoe in the eye the same way.

“I think we raised a significant amount of funds as well.” Alana gushed slightly. It was rare that a school event went over as well as the concert had. She hoped that the money would benefit the school and not just the administrative head of student council.

“I heard it was a great night for couples as well. My friend Bess told me that all the cheerleaders took their dates to it after their practices.” Zoe looked gorgeous in the soft lighting of the bedroom, and Alana’s heart couldn’t help but swoon.

“Yeah, uh, I noticed a bunch of, uh, couples in the audience.” Alana paused, unsure on how to continue the conversation, “I mean, from what I could see, I was backstage for most of it and only got to watch partially from the lighting booth but, I mean, from what I could tell you were great- I mean, the couples, we great, I mean, there.” Alana stumbled, trying to regain her poise. Zoe blushed slightly, or, at least, Alana thought she was blushing, but then again, why would Zoe Murphy be blushing around her? It must be her poor eyesight.

“Yeah.” Zoe mumbled. She was barely coherent, and Alana had to strain to hear her voice. God, she must have made Zoe uncomfortable, or why else would se have spoken so unsurely? This is why she couldn’t do anything right, this is why she couldn’t even hold a normal conversation, especially with a beautiful girl that had just helped her. Is this how you repay your helpers? Alana thought, struggling within her brain. God, she had made Zoe Murphy hate her, didn’t she? Her breathing became erratic again, and Alana stumbled, trying to remember Zoe’s soft voice, but unable to recall it from memory.

“I’m-” Alana took a sharp breath, “sorry.” She tried to level out her breathing, and watched as Zoe’s eyes widened again, but this time, she pulled Zoe into a loose hug, putting both her arms around her, rubbing smooth circles on her back. Alana stuttered for breath, letting a few spare tears roll down her face. She, too, put her arms around Zoe, holding on to her as if she was the only thing that keep Alana from floating away, drowning in her mind.

“Shh, it’s okay, shh, shh,” Zoe muttered again and again, and Alana listened to her sweet voice, her calming tone. Alana brought one of her sleeves up to wipe her cheeks, regaining control. “Alana, d’you want me to take you home?” Zoe asked, “I mean, I don’t have my after nine yet, but as long as I’m careful, we’ll be fine.”

“Please.” Alana pleaded. She wished she could have been home so long ago. Zoe unwrapped her arms from around Alana and stood, outstretching a hand to help her stand. Alana took it, carefully pulling herself upwards, savoring how soft Zoe’s hand was, yet, how strong.

Alana let go of her hand, her palm greeting the cold air. She was exhausted, she forgot how much panic took out of you, with all of it’s misplaced adrenaline and tears. Zoe opened the door, carefully leading Alana back into the throng of partygoers. Alana’s breath hitched as she looked around, and Zoe noted this, hesitantly putting her hand in Alana’s and giving it a light squeeze. They navigated carefully through the house until they reached the door, exiting the party entirely.

The dark, silent night contrasted greatly with the insistent hum of conversation inside. Alana took a breath of the cool air, feeling less constricted than before. Zoe hadn’t let go of her for the entire walk, and even now, as they walked in the dark towards where Zoe’s car was parked, neither retracted their hand. It was nice, and Alana was enjoying it a lot more than she probably should.

They reached Zoe’s silver car, and Zoe pulled out a pair of jingling keys from her pocket and unlocked it, lighting up the side of the road. She let go of Alana’s hans and opened the passenger door, holding it ajar for Alana.

“Sorry if it, uh, smells a bit? Connor and I have to share it and he denies it but I swear to god he gets high in here.” Zoe sounded annoyed, embarrassed even, and Alana nodded.

“It’s fine, I can barely smell it anyway.” Alana answered, and Zoe shut the car door, walking around the front of the car and climbing into the driver's seat. She started the car, waiting until the automatic lights went out before she maneuvered out onto the road. Alana breathed, her eyes adjusting to the dark.  
“What’s your address?” Zoe asked, pulling her phone from her pocket.

“318 Main Street. I live in the apartment above Sweet Tooth. My dad owns it, and bought the apartment above it when my brother went off to college.” Alana admitted. Zoe nodded in recognition.

“Really? I used to go there all the time!” Zoe exclaimed, “My dad says that they have the best donuts. I haven’t been there in ages, though. We just, haven’t had the time, I guess.”

“I ride my bike there after school all the time and do my homework there. You just have to join me sometime.” Alana spoke, her heart fluttering anxiously.  
“I’d love to, oh my god.” Zoe sounded so ecstatic, and Alana’s heart soared.

“Thank you, by the way. For, uh, everything.” Alana began, “Nobody ever really sees me panic, and I normally have to work through it myself because it’s really embarrassing that I- Alana Beck, with all her straight A’s and extracurriculars- get panic attacks. No one’s ever really, well, comforted me, and I just want to thank you, because you really didn’t have to stay and help me but you did, and that means a lot to me.” She rambled, trying to get her point across.

“Of course,” Zoe replied, “I’ve had to watch it happen for most of my life and sometimes- sometimes it’s good to stay and help, even if I normally can’t.” Zoe turned onto a brightly lit road lined with darkened shops, “We’re here.” She pulled over, parking on the side of the road.

“Thank you again, Zoe,” Alana reiterated opening the car door and looking at the blurry brunette. Zoe smiled softly.

“Any time, Alana. Any time.”

**Author's Note:**

> there isnt enough stand alone galaxy gals out there and tbh i need more lesbians in my life. this ll have a few chapters but probably won't be longer than 20000 words. hope y'all enjoy!!


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